Seeking Inspirato with Abi Ruth In Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Photo by Jared Wanzer Photography @JaredWanzerPhotography
My interview with Abi delves into transition pieces—a topic I haven’t yet examined in the Seeking Inspirato series. We’ll also discuss some of the top clothing uncertainties I receive in my DMs: “I hate shopping.” “I just don’t really care that much about my clothing.”
Abi, a purveyor of resale clothing and a study in how to develop your own Dynamic Personal Style, is here to help.
I Just Don’t Really Care About My Clothing
Abi and I agree that you shouldn’t dismiss style as something shallow.
When people refer to caring about clothing, or personal style, as “shallow,” Abi
“think[s] that's a cop-out answer.”
Even when you say you don’t care, you still have to wear clothing. It’s not something you can opt out of, like say, exercise.
How you show up impacts the way others see you.
“If I walk into a photoshoot looking nice, subconsciously, people are going to believe that I can make them look nice, too.”
People see your effort.
“Oh, you put effort into yourself? Then you'll put effort into what you're about to do for me.”
Can You Go From Brushing Clothing Aside To Brushing Up Your Wardrobe?
The answer is YES.
Take Abi’s mom for example.
She went from thinking of clothing as purely functional to embracing her personal style. Our moms are more than just moms. Abi sees this:
“It shows me she values herself instead of just being a mom, or just being a wife, she's a woman.”
When we show up fully and honor our personal self-expression, it makes the people around us happy as well.
There’s an implicit halo effect that comes with Clothing Confidence.
It sends a signal that we’re taking care of ourselves.
When appearance is low on the priority list for you, others notice.
Because Abi signals self esteem through clothing, people often tell her, “You can wear anything!” and her response is:
“So can you! It’s just clothing. If it doesn’t look good, you just change your outfit.”
It is that easy, y’all.
But where do you start?
How to Find Inspiration
Abi recommends making a personal style image board by collecting the little snippets of inspiration you come across.
This could be on Pinterest, Instagram, or good old-fashioned paper and scissors. If you see something, save something. Notice the trends in what you save. What are your themes that you see across the pieces you’ve saved? It may help to categorize them by the 4Cs: Cut, Color, Cloth, and Comfort.
The more you collect, the more you reflect, the more you'll hone your personal style.
It takes exposure, time, and practice to create a personal style unique to you. It takes research and inspiration, and above all, asking, “what inspires you?”
That’s a question only you can answer. Maybe it's a movie, a person, a spring bulb, or a Victorian building? Inspiration for personal style doesn't have to come from other clothing. It can come from the way you feel in a different city or the colors and designs you see in a piece of architecture, a beautiful plate of food, a painting.
Inspiration is a feeling, so when you notice something stirring inside of you, take a hold of that.
We. All. Have. The Ability. To Feel. Inspired.
“Do you care enough about yourself to put the time and effort into looking good and having good style? Because ... it is work. It's like anything else that you're going to be good at—you have to put something in. So, do you value yourself enough to put the effort in?”
We make vision boards for our 3, 5, and 10 year plans ... Why not envision our ideal personal style, too?
But you can’t just “pin” your way to good style.
You also have to practice.
But I Really Hate Shopping
“No one's going to tell you your favorite food, no one's going to tell you what career to choose, no one is going to tell you how to dress”
—Matthew Rideout
If you hate shopping, I just want to start by saying, I’m sorry.
You can avoid shopping for yourself by letting someone else dress you. (That’s what StitchFix and Mother-In-Law are for!) But in order for you to develop your own personal style, you’re going to have to shop for yourself.
Maybe you don’t like shopping because you are going to the wrong venue. Hate the prices of high end department stores? Try a thrift shop. Hate trying things on in a cramped dressing room? Try shopping online. (Just be sure to review and stick to the rules of the return, so you don’t get stuck with items that don’t fit!)
It’s the only way to expose yourself to the 4C’s in real life and to get a sense of what’s working for you. Like with anything, hands-on experience is invaluable!
I’ve noticed people tend to accept shopping a bit more once they:
Accept that they want to dress their current figure the way it is TODAY.
Understand the concept of the 4C’s + notice what inspires them.
Shop in order to practice putting together new looks.
When you begin to notice the trends you’re into, it’s time to make them your reality. Find similar pieces online or in a store, and begin creating the look you dreamed of.
Does it fit the personal style you were envisioning?
Do the Cuts, Colors and Cloths flatter your figure?
There are tweaks you can make to an outfit to allow it to flatter your figure better—don’t just give up right away if you don’t love the specific Cut. What might be another way to frame your figure in a similar style genre, but a more flattering Cut?
“I think when you respect yourself and value yourself, then you do a little bit of work to figure out the styles you're drawn to. It has taken me years to learn what's most flattering on me and that's okay. I've worn all different styles throughout the years.”
In fact, Abi has worn so many styles and has so many pieces of clothing that she’s only been honing in on her aesthetic recently. A helpful way of thinking about her wardrobe has been through the lens of transition pieces—they’re necessary and practical for Abi’s day-to-day.
Photo by Betsy Rice Photography
How to Transition a Look From Day to Evening
Abi is a photographer, AKA an Olympic sport (particularly when children are involved), and it requires her to dress accordingly.
When you’re dressing for photoshoot aerobics it makes meeting friends for dinner immediately afterwards a challenge.
Abi’s answer to looking chic-on-arrival to a dinner date is 1) a little planning and 2) some basic transition pieces.
To use transition pieces, take 1) the core outfit (e.g. jeans and a blouse) you’re wearing and 2) dress it up with accessories or make-up to make it functional for a more formal occasion.
“If I have a shoot downtown, but I want to look cool, I’m not going to have time to go home and change. I need something that can work for both. I’ll rock a jumpsuit.”
Abi plans her outfits the evening before, or early in the morning and finds that she spends less effort overall. Plus, she’s got some easy pieces that she can use to transition from day to evening.
“An hour of planning can save you 10 hours of doing”
—Dale Carnegie
Photo by Betsy Rice Photography
Abi’s Easy Transition Pieces
Using the following tactics, you’ll be able to dress most outfits up or down … Carhartt overalls may be a challenge, though .... Abi loves a jumpsuit because it’s easy to transition, and it’s super comfortable.
For me, I second Abi’s love affair with the jumpsuit, but I also have a fling going on with SPANX leggings and a nice blouse.
Shoes: Sneakers (Converse) yield to a wedge or heels
Belt: Swap out a cloth belt for a patent leather one.
Jewelry: Simple earrings give way to something heavier and more eye-catching
Hair: Take it down, add some dry shampoo (I keep Dove Dry Shampoo in my car at all times!), and an accessory like a clip, or headband.
Makeup: A quick smokey eye (keep a little eyeshadow and a brush on you!). Lipstick makes a HUGE difference.
$54, Naked Palette, Sephora.com
My Little Arsenal
I carry a little makeup bag in my purse that has:
Foundation (a duplicate of the kind I put on in the morning) & a beauty blender
Powder & a small brush
Day & evening lipstick duplicates
A little roll on stick of perfume (sometimes a lifesaver)
Deodorant
Extra elastics
This has been a game-changer for me. I can freshen up on the go with those items, easily. I could add some accessories to the bag if I wanted to change up my look even more!
Why not just wear what you were wearing during the day to the evening event?
Clothing Confidence is not only about finding the outfits that flatter us, but also it’s about finding the outfits that allow us to show up fully as ourselves. Photographer-Abi is cordial, stylish, professional, and fun with her clients. Out-on-the-town-Abi shares those same traits, but also wants to look sexy. The tools described above help her achieve that transition and feel comfortable in her surroundings.
What’s Cookin’, Good Lookin’?
“I seriously believe looking good is half the battle.”
Our self-esteems are boosted when we use clothing to show off our figures in flattering and comfortable ways.
Flattering clothing highlights the parts of our figures we want to showcase and conceals the parts we want to keep to ourselves. Thinking about the 4Cs? Cut and Color are most relevant when thinking about how to flatter. Are you wearing the best jeans for your figure? The color that really makes your eyes come alive? How well is the clothing flauntin’ what your mama gave you?
Comfortable clothing feels nice against our skin and on our bodies without compromising the version of ourselves we present to the world. Our clothing is helping us, not hindering us, from being fully present in whatever situation we’re in.
For example, Abi could wear sweats to her photoshoots, which may feel comfortable on her skin, but it won’t make her feel comfortable in how she’s showing up and presenting herself to the world.
About Abi
Abi grew up in a loving household, but one where the fashion restrictions were dictated by the church her family was attending at any given time. Her dad was a pastor.
“It was so strict I couldn’t wear pants. That really put a damper on things.”
In fact, Abi didn’t begin wearing pants until she was 21. Even with an entire category of clothing unavailable she still found ways to
“be an individual. I didn’t want to match people. I wanted my own style, my own look.”
Because they weren’t allowed in the home, young Abi used to go to the library to browse fashion magazines.
“I loved looking at magazines and trying to find [looks] in thrift stores that were similar to what I had seen.”
The ingenuity here is fresh. It’s inspiring.
What a miracle that Abi was able to maintain her interest in clothing and develop a strong personal style!
I’ve heard from many women who suffer from unwelcome voices in the back of their heads. Voices that tell them what they can and cannot wear. Often, these are people or traditions from their past, telling them what is or isn’t acceptable. It’s hard to shake off the internal commentary when it’s stuck with us like a limb for years, if not decades.
While Abi’s upbringing is one of the most strict I’ve heard to date in the Seeking Inspirato series, she was determined to express her individuality to the world, and by golly, she did it.
Abi is illustrative. While she could have easily excused poor style in her adult years because she hadn’t had those teenage years of experimentation, she went the other way. Her history wasn’t going to put a damper on her self-expression.
Abi lives in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and is a photographer and clothing reseller.
Follow her on Instagram:
Personal Style Page (where she sells clothing): @abiruththeshoppe
Photography Page: @abi_ruth