Episode Transcription

Intro To Who Maddison Is/What This Podcast is About

Before we get into today's episode, I want to take a quick second to introduce myself. My name's Maddison McKinley. I'm originally from Dallas, Texas (so you're going to hear a lot of y'alls in here) and I've been studying Clothing Confidence for 3 years now. I became obsessed with the idea after I started working in the professional world.

My coworkers confided in me about how they didn't feel great about the way they were showing up through their clothing. This was baffling to me because quite frankly, I've always loved clothing and expressing myself through clothing. Their insecurities were hard for me to comprehend.

And it led me to wonder. What makes certain women feel confident in their clothing and what leaves others feeling stuck in their clothing? I started researching these questions to see if confidence through clothing was an issue more women shared than just in this office that I was working in. I learned from interviewing 100+ women that so many women are searching to feel amazing in their clothing, but find that they hit barriers like:

• Resources (time & money)

• Negative self-talk

• Body acceptance issues and the

• Lack of knowledge and how to dress their bodies in a way that they liked and flatters their figure.

We all experienced these barriers to Clothing Confidence in some way or another and I found that they were shared with women across this country. I took what I learned from these interviews and created DailyInspirato.com to serve as a resource and answer these top questions and barriers.

There you'll find information about the art and technique of Clothing Confidence, specifically how to find personal style and how to dress your figure in a flattering way, articles that address common barriers like how to create a versatile wardrobe on a budget, how ow to combat negative self-talk and even a series called Seeking Inspirato where I interview real normal women and tell their stories to Clothing Confidence. The Seeking Inspirato stories are relatable and beautiful, but above all, they demonstrate the fact that no one is born with Clothing Confidence. We all have to earn it. We have to work for it. We have to develop it, refine it. It's a practice like anything else.

I fundamentally believe that every single one of us can find confidence through clothing. Even if you're already a confident individual, you might want to level up your clothing game and express yourself better through clothing daily, then Daily Inspirato has got some stuff for you.

And that's what this podcast is going to be about as well. Also, if you're someone that has just always wanted to show up through your clothing better and have clothing work as a tool for you, then I think this podcast is also for you.

So that's a little about my passion, why I'm doing this.

I believe that when our clothing aligns with our goals, personality, and figure, we do better in relationships. We do better in life. We cannot opt out of clothing. Y'all we all have to get dressed in the morning! So why not do it Clothing Confidently? Now let's get back to today's episode and talk about developing a personal clothing style,

Intro To The Topic of Personal Style

Personal clothing style.

What's your style? What do you like? What do you gravitate towards? These are probably questions you've asked yourself, or someone's asked you when you're talking about clothing. We know style when we see it. We know when someone else has a great, authentic, personal clothing style. I mean, think of somebody that you know, who you've seen recently, where you were like, “Oh my God, I love that.”.

We know because it shines through and we can feel something in us. It's what made you say, “Oh, I love (insert, whatever you saw)”, “I love the way she's showing up”. And that's the goal of today's episode. I want to inspire you to start developing your own personal style and your own “Oh, I like the way that looks on me” moments!

I think developing your own personal style matters because when you're the one in the driver's seat, just like anything else in life, you're also the one who gets to fine-tune it. You get to improve it for the future. You're the one who gets to decide how it evolves, how it works for different situations, occasions.

I like to contrast this against something like StitchFix or a personal stylist who will develop a personal style for you. I have no beef with these kinds of services. I think they're great. I think they give people some quick moments of Clothing Confidence, and that's awesome because I'd way rather you feel Clothing Confident than not.

And if those are the kinds of services that you feel you need in order to feel Clothing Confidence, please, by all means, continue to do that.

I do think there’s a subset of people (and if you’re probably in this audience considering the title of the episode is “How to Create Your Own Personal Style”) who want to develop their own personal style because there's a certain satisfaction that comes out of developing it on your own.

It's you showing your visual fingerprint to the world, and who else gets to do that? It's only you. You're the only one who gets to define it and show it. These other services like StitchFix, they're doing the best they can with the information you give them.

But at the end of the day, you're the one who really knows what your personal style is.

The comparison between creating a personal style on your own, versus using a service, reminds me of the saying:

“Give someone a fish, you feed them for a day. Teach them to fish, you feed them for a lifetime.”

I think the same applies to clothing and personal style, too.

I had a friend who recently made a great parallel between personal style and other life decisions.

He said:

“No, one's going to tell you your favorite food.

No, one's going to tell you what career to choose.

No, one's going to tell you how to dress.”

I love that because it's so true. Now, people will certainly tell you how to dress if you pay them money.

It's such a great parallel because it's not like you get some packet from the government, telling you what career you have to go on. We all have freedom of choice and no one's going to tell you that you like Asian food more than pizza. You have a choice. You get to also choose how you dress.

Where do we start? When we're trying to figure something out for ourselves, we usually start with some questions and that's exactly what we're going to do today. The difference between the questions that we're going to be going through today, and something like a style quiz or questionnaire online is that instead of spitting back that you are “boho chic, New York City” (I don’t know, I just made that up) I'm trying to get you to reflect. I'm trying to get you to think of this as more of a process than just a “give me a quick answer, I want to know what my style is.” You have to explore and exploration takes some time.

But don't worry it's meant to be a fun, creative, exploration process where you're in the driver's seat and you don't have to make any quick decisions. I actually think that's a beautiful thing, particularly when it comes to clothing. So we're going to go through some questions that I think will help you reflect on how you want to show up in the world and how you want your personality to shine through.

Objective Setting

So, you're spending this time thinking about personal style, and in order to get the most out of it, I find objective setting can be really helpful. I know my objective with you today is to walk through some questions and start to get your brain spinning and thinking about how you want to develop your personal style.

Maybe you're hoping to take what we talk about today and finally look at your closet and start asking some questions about how you want to pursue your personal style.

Maybe you'll start reflecting on how you want to dress for an upcoming event that's important to you, or maybe you're just here to focus a little bit more on yourself, and taking this time to commit to listening to a podcast is really good self-care for you.

Ultimately, I hope that each one of you listening feels inspired by today's conversation.

How to Develop a Dynamic Personal Clothing Style?

Personal clothing style. What is it? Well, I define personal style by adding a word to it.

I call it Dynamic, Dynamic Personal Style. I'm smiling because I know some of you all may be rolling your eyes. Like, come on, stop adding words towards that already exist. Listen, I get it. But the way we think about concepts is the way we live them.

And I want to readjust this idea of personal style, which can sometimes feel a little bit limiting.

I remember when I first started the Seeking Inspirato series, which is a series where I interview Clothing Confident women and explore their journeys to Clothing Confidence. I remember one of the questions I used to ask them all was “Define your style in a few words”.

And I could tell there was some reservation for most women. In fact, I remember an interview with Billie who was just outside of Boston when she said:

“Ughhhh, I knew you were going to ask me about my personal style. I was so not looking forward to that question.”

When Billie said that I totally got it. I finally understood why the women I was interviewing felt a reservation with that question.

It's because Clothing Confident women don't limit themselves. They don't put their style in a box.

Here's a quote from a Seeking Inspirato feature Kineatra from New Orleans, Louisiana.

“I don't have one specific style. One second. I can be really girly girl and heels. The next day I'm wearing combat boots and some short shorts. It's a feeling and I don't think anybody should put themselves in a box with fashion.”

Check out Kinetra’s full interview on DailyInspirato.com under the Seeking Inspirato series.

I couldn't have put her words any better. I've since stopped asking women to define their personal styles using a few words because the truth is personal style is dynamic.

That's why add Dynamic to the phrase. It changes based on occasions, your mood, the weather, what you've been inspired by recently, it's completely limitless. And that's why it's so dynamic. I mean, if you saw me in Tucson, Arizona recently, you would have thought I was out of some Western movie. That's because of my surroundings, I'm not always Western. Sometimes I can be more, I don't know, girly girl, but it definitely had an influence on my style. And this gets me into the part of the conversation around Dynamic Personal Style that’s the most—I want to define it!

Dynamic Personal Style is when your goals and your personality shine through your clothing.

Okay, Maddison, what does that mean?

Well, I'll put it differently. You discover your Dynamic Personal Style when you answer the following two questions:

1. How do you want the world to see you? Do you want to appear open confident, successful? Of course, these change based on the occasions that we're going to and these change based on the people we're around.

2. What do you want to say to the world? Now this is different. The first one is, “how do you want the world to see you?” as in, how do you want to be perceived… the second question is what do you want to say? You're a part of the conversation too. It's not a one-way street. You get to say something to the world. You get to tell them how you want them to see you. You also get to add your personality to this. How can pieces of yourself like your interests, your personality, your hobbies, your favorite movies, your favorite food, your favorite architecture translate into your clothing and your Dynamic Personal Style?

Remember, this is your visual fingerprint for who you are as a person. Imagine you're going on a dinner date with friends or romantic interest. And maybe in that particular occasion, you're saying to yourself, I want the world to see me as competent and sexy. That's the answer to number one, but number two, that's where you add your own flair.

That's where you add in that you want people to know you’re creative.

“I want people to know that I care about a certain cause.”

“I want people to know that I have an interest in anime.”

This is where you get to fill in the blank. I can't fill it in for you. You get to add your own flair to your Dynamic Personal Style.

Put the Personal in Dynamic Personal Style.

Now, I do want to make a quick aside because Clothing Confidence isn't all about Dynamic Personal Style. Clothing Confidence is the practice of wearing clothing that (1) aligns with your goals and personality, which is what we're talking about today (Dynamic Personal Style) but also (2) flatters your figure. Today, we're going to focus on the first part of Clothing Confidence, Dynamic Personal Style, but rest assured we'll get into the flattering your figure part in the future because it's really critical, but it deserves its own episode.

With dynamic personal style, you're projecting your personality through your clothing.

What clothing is going to tell the world who you are, what you're looking to accomplish, what clothing feels unique to you? This is the artistic art part of Clothing Confidence.

Someone is absolutely going to be able to tell you what looks best on your figure. There's no doubt because when it comes to dressing a figure in a flattering way, there are certain techniques, but no one is going to be able to tell you which pattern is your favorite.

What kind of fabric do you like best? If you like vintage or new pieces, if you want to express to the world that you're into a certain kind of subject… this is the art in Dynamic Personal Style that only you get to control. Now we're going to get into a little question and answer segment with you.

These are the questions and the questionnaire that I had referenced earlier in the episode. Now it's time to put on your explorer hat, your creativity hat.

I have 11 questions total, and they're all meant to be fun. Allow yourself to reflect and go inward because ultimately, and I can't say it enough people, Dynamic Personal Style is defined by you and only you.

Some of y'all may be able to go through these questions and go “Badabingbadaboom, yes yes yes yes! I have a creative vision and I’m going for it. I’m launching, Houston!”. That might be some of y'all and I think that's awesome. Listen, we're all going to take different trajectories and that's totally fine.

But the purpose here is to really spend some time with these questions. You don't have to immediately launch off and have good style. This is supposed to take some time. My recommendation with these questions is to think and visualize yourself in a specific environment or occasion that you want to feel the most Clothing Confident for.

And what do I mean by that? Well, we have all different kinds of hats that we have to wear in life. We have the work hat. We have the mom hat. We have the romantic hat. We have the athletic hat. We have all these different activities and responsibilities in life, and the same goes with clothing. You're not going to wear what you'd wear to a gala, to your kid's PTA meeting (I mean, you could, you'd look fabulous, but most of us are probably not going to do that).

My ask for you is to consider what areas of life do you want to feel the most Clothing Confident for and visualize that version of yourself when you're going through these upcoming questions in that specific kind of event, occasion, and around specific people.

Maybe it's a certain goal that you're trying to strive for. I think that's also really helpful to visualize when you see yourself succeeding, what do you want to be wearing? If I'm ever receiving an award, you best believe I have that outfit picked out. We're dressing for success. We're visualizing for success.

I think we're ready to go into the questions. Let's jump right into the first one.

Question #1

“My goal is to feel Clothing Confident for ________________.”

This is what we were just talking about. What event, what occasion, what goal, what are you striving for? An example answer might be:

“I would love to feel more Clothing Confident just in the day to day.”

You know, I love being able to get dressed and feel put together throughout the day and I want to be comfortable. That's my goal.

Question #2

“Are there any guidelines for this environment that may be helpful to consider?”

I say it all the time, and I'm not the only one, there are no rules to fashion.

It's true. It really is. You get to wear whatever you want.

However, I do think it's worthwhile to be grounded and to consider the environment you're dressing for, because of course you can wear whatever you want to any kind of occasion. You can be that mom showing up YSL to a PTA meeting.

I think that'd be fantastic. But remember: we're using clothing as a tool to improve our lives.

For example, I want to wear more conservative clothing to give off that professional energy that I'm going for. That's a personal guideline that I'm envisioning when I'm envisioning myself successful in this environment.

Question #3

“In this environment, I want to feel ________________.”

What do you want to feel? Of course, my goal for you is to feel Clothing Confident, but what are some other feelings? This totally depends on what you're dressing for.

For work, I want my clothing to reflect the same confidence I have in my work, in my clothing. I want to feel comfortable in the amount of skin I'm showing while also feeling attractive in what I'm wearing.

There's a balance there. Consider how you want to feel in this environment. What kind of clothing will help create that feeling for you?

Question #4

“How do I want others to perceive me?”

Well, of course, when it comes to work, I want them to see me as put together and sophisticated. But it's a really valid question because oftentimes I hear and see people online saying things to the effect of, “I dress for myself” (and only for myself, an audience of 1).

I couldn't agree more. I certainly dress for myself because when I dress to be Clothing Confident, I'm dressing for myself to have a certain amount of self-respect. But I'm also dressing for others in that I want to be perceived a certain way. So how do you want to be perceived in this particular occasion, or environment, or around these people?

How do you want them to see you? Remember y'all clothing is just as powerful as our body language… it sends a huge signal.

You hear that expression all the time “first impressions matter”. Well, I'm of the belief that so does the 1,000th impression, and clothing is absolutely a part of that.

Question #5

This question is helpful because it's meant to help you begin visualizing. So start to think about people who are in this environment, this industry, this space that you're trying to dress for. Maybe somebody that you look up to.

“Someone whose style I admire is ________________. I like it because ________________.”

“My favorite style of dress is ________________. I like it because ________________.”

It's important to remember here that we're not going for people's bodies. That’s not the goal we're going for. It’s how they show up in their clothing.

I could want to dress like Kendall Jenner all day, but this size 14 body isn’t going to vibe with a Kendall Jenner crop top. And I'm not saying that we need to look at people who are the same size as us. Certainly not, but it's more the idea of “Do I like the way that Kendall's showing up in that outfit, or do I just think to myself, ‘oh, wow… that happens to look really good on her’”.

We're trying to look for people who inspire us, who ignite a certain feeling of creativity in us. We're going for that inspiration, creativity feeling.

Question #6

This question could be helpful because sometimes clothing can feel akin to figuring out what you want to order for takeout.

A process of elimination with a list of options that can help you nail down what you want for dinner, or in this case, what you want to wear for dinner.

The question is: My least favorite style of dress is ________________. I dislike it because ________________.

For me, I so rarely want to look grunge or unkempt. I actually think it's a really cool style that a lot of people can pull off, but if I'm thinking about myself in the day-to-day (which is what I'm envisioning myself to feel more Clothing Confident), I don't want to feel unkempt. I don't want to feel grunge because I want to show up as my best self to work.

So those are the styles that I'm not going for.

Question #7

“I believe I can align the way I want people to perceive me and the kind of style I want to achieve in this way…”

What does that mean? This is where you start to put the pieces together. Start to think about the way you answered the previous questions and put it together like a puzzle.

For me, I want to find looks that are business casual but are comfortable for all-day wear

Maybe that's a Scandinavian chic aesthetic.

I'm not sure exactly what the look is yet, but this when you start to go to Pinterest, really look around, and put the pieces together.

And this doesn't mean that you're married to it, and we're just trying to start from a place, but Dynamic Personal Style means that you can change it at any time. If you're looking for a place to start, it can be helpful to narrow down your aesthetic ideas and start to look for visuals that way.

Question #8

“A ‘must’ for me when it comes to personal style is ________________.”

Just go ahead and put your barriers out in the open ladies! It's so important. Don't let these barriers sit in the back of your mind and avoid them. It's just better to face them and know what you're dealing with when it comes to Clothing Confidence and what might be holding you back from feeling Clothing Confident.

For example, a must for me when it comes to Personal Style is that I've got to be able to get dressed quickly. It's gotta be efficient, efficient, efficient, efficient. I got to do it fast. I got a master, some sort of uniform with some quick pieces so that I can feel confident, but that it doesn't become a burdensome morning routine.

And I can do this with a Capsule Wardrobe, which is essentially a wardrobe with 20 pieces (give or take) that all kind of work together and have been pre-approved for (1) chicness, and (2) to work with my Dynamic Personal Style. A Capsule Wardrobe can be a great way to practice Clothing Confidence, Monday through Friday. If time is your issue, look into a Capsule Wardrobe.

Question #9

Experiencing Clothing Confidence more often than I am now will ________________.”

Okay, Maddison, obvious, obvious, we know.

But I'm telling you, this is kind of like a bio-mental-feedback thing that I'm just softball pitching to you. I want you to say it. I want you to know and feel that feeling of, you know, if I do this more, this is what I'm going to get out of it. There's a powerful manifestation aspect to this that I want you to say out loud, experiencing Clothing Confidence more than I am now in this particular case, occasion, around these people… what's it going to do for me?

Question #10

“I am not achieving my Clothing Confidence goals now because ________________.”

This is a good one. What I'm asking you to do is look down the barrel. You know, some examples of this might be:

“I just don’t have the time, or I haven't been able to find the time.”

“I have too many pieces that don't go together.”

“I don't know how to dress my body in a way that I love.”

Those are all valid barriers. Listen, if you feel any of those, you fall into the category of pretty much every single woman who I've ever interviewed. But these are definitely things that you can overcome. I love being able to say these things out loud because when it comes to barriers, there's so much easier to face when we know what we're working with.

Question #11

“I need to change ________________ in order to achieve Clothing Confidence.”

What is it? This list might be a long one for some people.

You might be thinking, well, my morning routine, my wardrobe, my body…

First of all, except your current body for what it is and love it. You have to start from that place. Please do not say things like, well, I'll start to develop my Dynamic Personal Style when I lose 15 pounds. No, no! Please, don't put self-respect on the back burner. Start now. Dress your current figure in a way that you love. You will not believe how great it's going to make you feel. Don't punish yourself.

Don't wait until your body looks a certain way. Enjoy it.

Now back to the question. Maybe it's your morning routine. That's really important. I think that the morning routine, or an evening routine that sets you up for success in the morning, can be really helpful. It can help you save time. It can help for efficiency.

Maybe you need to change your wardrobe. Maybe things don't fit, maybe things feel old. Maybe they feel tired.

Maybe this questionnaire helped you realize I don't have any clothing in my closet that aligns with these goals. That's great news because now at least, you know it!

And that concludes the Dynamic Personal Style Questionnaire.

Now it's time to pull visuals. It's time to practice, practice, practice. You can't just pin it. You have to live it. So go seek some inspiration. Personal style does not have to be inspired by other pieces of clothing, or clothing in general. It could come from architecture, art, food, or feelings.

It's important to expose yourself to new stimuli because inspiration doesn't come when we're just staring at a wall.

You’ve got to get out there. Have conversations, see different things that you wouldn't normally see. And I think that that helps spur the creative mind into action in combination with these guided questions and answers that we went over today.

Sometimes it can be helpful to start with your current wardrobe and evaluate it through the lens of the answers you just provided to the 11 questions. I know you may be thinking…

“No, I hate my wardrobe. There's nothing in there that I won't even look at. I don't even want to touch it. I have the things that work for me and I don't even look at the rest of it”

That's totally fair. But sometimes we have more than we think.

It might be worthwhile to bring everything out in the open and really expose it.

Let your wardrobe see the light of day, get some vitamin D and analyze the pieces.

Now, you can look at your closet from a much more objective perspective. You might surprise yourself. There might be a few pieces in there that actually end up working for what you need.

You can also get inspiration online. We live in the age of the internet. You can go find anything online… and by no means am I saying, “go shop, go buy, go spend money”.

We're actually more in a discovery, window shopping phase than we are a buy a new piece phase.

For most of us, I think you're probably still trying to figure out the clothing that actually answers the questions we just went over. Give yourself some time to bathe in the options. Go online, look at some shops.

If you like, go into a store (actually going into a store is a great option because not only do you get to feel the clothes, but you also get to try the clothing on, which is very important).

You know, some people listening might be like, I don't try clothes on ever. Well, I gotta tell ya how much money have you wasted from non trying clothing on? You might want to answer that one.

This is about exposing yourself, having fun, seeing what you do like and what you don't like, and what ultimately works for you.

Pinterest is, of course, a great place to go to search for trends and ideas you may want to discover. And as a reminder, none of the women I've spoken with have developed their personal style without some work. Dynamic Personal Style doesn't just drop out of the sky. I believe everyone has the ability to create and the ability to develop their own Dynamic Personal Style… and so do you.

Even if you think you don’t have this capability, I promise you, you do. I guarantee it. Call me, email me. I promise we can have a conversation about it. It is human nature to be creative. It is human nature to feel inspired.

Abi, a Seeking Inspirato feature in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma recently said:

“Do you care enough about yourself to put the time and effort into looking good and having good style? Because it is work. It's like anything else that you're going to be good at. You have to put something in. So do you value yourself enough to put the effort in?”

Abi’s straightforward and truthful questions are so great because she's totally right.

It's like building anything that's truly yours. You have to put some effort in.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite Seeking Inspirato quotes of all time by Sheila in Portland, Maine. Her quote is such a reminder that this is really about having fun and that there are no real high stakes here.

“If you're creating a piece of art, it doesn't have to be a certain way—it’s a personal process that flows from your being. Creating an outfit is a similar process. You can try things on and then edit as you go if it’s not working, like painting something out of the picture that you want to redo. You know, like art, clothing is a very subjective thing and some people are going to love what you’ve created and others may go ‘huh’? But that's okay. It’s going to hang in my house, not theirs.”